So if you can't read it, it says Brief Sketch of Abby's Love life...
Hey. Its me!
This is probably one of the hardest decisions of my life. So far. I know. I'm dramatic. But its true.
The lady who's fixing my back says she doesn't want to work on me anymore if I don't take this seriously.
So this means I cannot do anything.
For the first time in forever. I've actually made so real friends.
Yes plural. Meaning more than one.
Ninth grade is the first time, (frankly I don't know how they put up with me ) and the majority of the really good ones are going to pg.
I know I'll make good friends at timp but it won't be the same. They're irreplaceable.
Lagoon day and summer stake dances were what I was depending on. The last few months with them, minus the drama from school.
But now I can't. And it makes me cry.
But I'm really sick of my back. Not being able to run without it hurting, and while sitting or standing for long periods of time. Any sport. And dance.
Its also a mental handicap. I feel like it will restrict me so I don't push my fullest. And it frankly sucks.
So this is my dilemma. But I think I've made a choice. I want to get my back fixed, and I don't want to wait forever. I can always get together with my friends afterwards.
So I'm going to do this.
Hiya Jamie. First of all, if the grammar on here is terrible, it's because I'm writing this on my phone.
Well you wanted to know what was wrong right?
Well its simple. Every time I go to a dance, stake, school, whichever.
Nobody asks me.
Its stupid and petty and I don't know why it gets to me so much.
Do you know how depressing and how much it hurts to watch all, ALL. of your friends dancing with boys and I'm just the loser in the corner singing to herself because she's insecure?
Because she feels completely alone.
So many people say that I'm pretty, or beautiful or gorgeous and I don't believe a single one of them.
Why should I?
I'm not pretty enough to ask to dance, why would I be good enough for anyone.
I have never heard of any guy liking me. Ever. Never in the 15 years I've been alive.
You wanna know why I'm so mean? Its the only thing I know that can cover up me being lonely. I hate it.
Everyone expects me to be mean, so I am. If I don't know how to react, I say something that will get attention.
You know at celine's party? How the guys said,"yeah we've been out there for a while, we only didn't come in because were scared of abby" I almost broke down right then. In front of everybody. I was crushed.
Do you know what my mom told me for the longest time?
That no one would love me.
That I wouldn't ever get married because no one would like to be with me. That I was a stupid piece of $*** and things along those lines. She tells me to be more like Noelle and my goody goody neighbor. She's only proud of me, when other people are around.
I don't know why i care that I'm never in the spotlight.
The only time I ever feel somewhat special is when I dance. I know people are watching me. they're not watching you or Noelle or Sarah or Celine or Andrea or kyra or Nikki or anyone like that.
So when I bombed my tdt auditions, I cried. For hours.
The one thing that I was maybe good at, I failed. Miserably
Then today with all of my random comments at Sarah's? I only say things like that, because I wish I could go through that. To have someone there for me because a boy liked me.
Boys never like me.
Then I go talk to Danny and I remember that he only weighs 100 is pounds. And he's taller than me. I weigh 120.
I'm so fat.
I feel ugly constantly.
I'm not funny
I'm not good at acting.
I'm not super smart
I'm not good at the arts(dancing singing drawing etc.)
There is basically one person who could stand me for the 5 years I've known her and I don't even know how she puts up with me.
I'm a brat.
I'm selfish.
And all of you guys probably think I'm the most obnoxious, and stupid person ever so.
See you Monday.
Well as you (who ever you are) know, I like Riker.
But today was extremely hectic with my slide show not working and the sound not cooperating after a freaking hour of trying.
Finally worked thanks to Brayden
He made me laugh afterwards and hes understanding and calm so he 1) infuriates me 2) calms me down.
He's attractive.
And fairly smart.
He's not extremely athletic but much better than most.
I think I'm actually crushing on him :)
