for jamiecakes

Hiya Jamie. First of all, if the grammar on here is terrible, it's because I'm writing this on my phone.

Well you wanted to know what was wrong right?

Well its simple. Every time I go to a dance, stake, school, whichever.

Nobody asks me.

Its stupid and petty and I don't know why it gets to me so much.

Do you know how depressing and how much it hurts to watch all, ALL. of your friends dancing with boys and I'm just the loser in the corner singing to herself because she's insecure?

Because she feels completely alone.

So many people say that I'm pretty, or beautiful or gorgeous and I don't believe a single one of them.

Why should I?

I'm not pretty enough to ask to dance, why would I be good enough for anyone.

I have never heard of any guy liking me. Ever. Never in the 15 years I've been alive.

You wanna know why I'm so mean? Its the only thing I know that can cover up me being lonely. I hate it.

Everyone expects me to be mean, so I am. If I don't know how to react, I say something that will get attention.

You know at celine's party? How the guys said,"yeah we've been out there for a while, we only didn't come in because were scared of abby" I almost broke down right then. In front of everybody. I was crushed.

Do you know what my mom told me for the longest time?

That no one would love me.

That I wouldn't ever get married because no one would like to be with me. That I was a stupid piece of $*** and things along those lines. She tells me to be more like Noelle and my goody goody neighbor. She's only proud of me, when other people are around.

I don't know why i care that I'm never in the spotlight.

The only time I ever feel somewhat special is when I dance. I know people are watching me. they're not watching you or Noelle or Sarah or Celine or Andrea or kyra or Nikki or anyone like that.

So when I bombed my tdt auditions, I cried. For hours.

The one thing that I was maybe good at, I failed. Miserably 

Then today with all of my random comments at Sarah's? I only say things like that, because I wish I could go through that. To have someone there for me because a boy liked me.

Boys never like me.

Then I go talk to Danny and I remember that he only weighs 100 is pounds. And he's taller than me. I weigh 120.

I'm so fat.

I feel ugly constantly.

I'm not funny

I'm not good at acting.

I'm not super smart

I'm not good at the arts(dancing singing drawing etc.)

There is basically one person who could stand me for the 5 years I've known her and I don't even know how she puts up with me.

I'm a brat.

I'm selfish.

And all of you guys probably think I'm the most obnoxious, and stupid person ever so.

See you Monday.

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